WoodyEdmiston

Keep your kids close

Someone called me after reading the blog on the 11 year old girl in Pawtucket and opined: "How can we keep our kids close if they are on the other end of the couch but in another world."  And that is a good question.  The whole reason I wrote was to inform parents.  You can't know about the effects of social networking if you don't know it's there.  Once you do and you set out to protect your child - here are a few things you can do:

1. Add software to your child's computer like the ones I have linked on the side of this blog. (Spectorsoft & Integrity)
2. Tell them you have added the software - afterwards.  I would suggest that you do it about two weeks later after you have a chance to see what they are doing and where they have been going.   This will give you an idea of just how closely you need to watch.
3. One of the tell-tale signs that you should worry about is if they suddenly close the site or shutdown the page they are on when you get close enough to see the screen.  Take that as an indicator that you really need tracking software on their computer.
4. So what if you find out they are goofing around in adult matters or places that are inappropriate?  Does it mean they are "bad seed?"  No!  It just means your job as a parent isn't over.  Regardless how much they protest, teens really do want constructive help from adults.  Be prepared to give them reasons why some sites are not safe, some people are not safe, some things - like porn - once you have seen it can't be erased; and that changes who they are.   This is one of the reasons I suggest looking into their doings for a week or more before you tell them you have added the software.  It gives you time to think through what you have seen, talk to experts if you need to and approach them rationally.  It will help you keep the discussion from becoming an argument.
5. Keep a good relationship with your child.  Don't let adolescence become a time of battle.  They are becoming a new person with ideas of their own.  There are several good texts on keeping this relationship alive.  James Dobsons books are some of the best.

More to come. Keep your kids close.

Nuts in the news

Another mother's child is dead.  She was last seen on a video camera at a local store being forced into her car.  The suspect has been located and he is in jail.  The friends and family have been interviewed by the press and as usual the neighbors are surprised.  He seemed to be such a nice fellow, had a wife and child and seemed so, well, normal.

After the investigators began to look at this dude the first thing they found was that he has a MySpace account and listed his interests as "harming small animals and eating children."  In the Casper, Wyoming Star Tribune article they indicate that his MySpace painted a different picture. 

In my research into social networking one of the things I have found is that  disturbed people like Virginia Tech shooter Cho and Canada's Kimveer Gill spend a lot of time chatting on line.  When they post their interests they generally say right up front that they have odd or homicidal urges.  Often they portray Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold as heros or martyrs.  If these people were muttering this sort of thing on a street corner we would lock them up.  What is worse in my opinion is that they seem to feed off of other people.  They talk to other Goth types as in Gill's case or find other people whose whacked view of life fits theirs.  In doing so they build justification and momentum to put some over-the-top expression of their angst into action.  What is weirder still is that there is no way for us to stop them unless they make specific threats.  The people who provide these communications pathways are protected by the Communications Decency act.  They can't be sued and they have no legislative mandate to truly protect their users.  The safeguards they put in place are mainly to protect their own liability not truly protect your child.  As you watch your child tonight surfing a social networking site for new friends - imagine that he or she is in their pajamas walking down Bourbon Street in New Orleans.  It's a lot closer to the truth than you want to believe.
Keep your kids close.